Identity

The 43-year-old woman had received a confirmation that neither she, nor her husband nor even her surgeon were expecting. The lump that appeared to be benign was in reality a rapidly dividing mass. Already it had started to spread out, so a second surgery was needed to gain clearance. Shortly thereafter, chemo was started. The medicine the oncologist chose was Adriamycin, known as the “red devil”. Hair started falling out in clumps, large clumps. When this mother was getting her 2 ½ year old ready for bed, she realized another clump had fallen into his bedtime diaper. She knew it was time to shave her hair. Slowly, carefully, she shaved as much of her head as she could reach. She gazed into the mirror to see her face. A smile came as she thanked the Lord for the face, He had given her. It wasn’t a beautiful face by any means, but it was a face that could show love and welcoming to others. Her husband came into the bedroom, just off the bathroom. In a quiet voice she asked, “would you please finish the back?”. With tears rolling down his face, he finished the job.

One month of radiation was recommended but the more she thought of that, she opted for further surgery. This would not be a short sprint but rather a long 20-mile marathon. The 11-hour surgery involved performing a mastectomy and then moving a muscle from the stomach and then brought to the chest area. The tunnel that was formed by the surgeon would make this possible.

Later when the surgical site was unwrapped, there were scares revealed- scars across the stomach and scars in the primary site. Eight years later, it was miraculously discovered that merca had hidden and was flourishing in the nice, dark, reconstruction. So once again surgery was needed- more cuts- more scars.

She was never the same after that chapter of her life. Her curly hair was now straight, her skin blotchy and red in spots. Her veins were weakened by the chemo. Each time she took glances of her body, she was reminded she had been through an ordeal. Still, something wonderful could be observed. She never felt that it changed who she was. She went through surgeries and woke up the same person. She went through chemo and remained the same. Oh, there were physical changes to be sure. There were also changes in her heart, perspectives, goals, and desires. However, she was still the person who was married to a man who loved her. She still had a boy to raise and two girls to finish raising. She still had a God in heaven who had her life or death in His hands, and she could trust Him because He is trustworthy.

Her identity was not in her appearance or changed appearance. She had an anchor and security in who she was in Christ. Her value came from Him, not from what she had or loss; not in her strength or lack thereof. Everything but absolutely nothing had changed.

Our confidence cannot be in a person, place, or thing. We should not ride the tide of who likes us or not. We should not dance to the music and beat of another. Each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made and marvelous are His works. Do we think of ourself as a marvelous work of God? Do we unwisely compare ourselves to another- another marvelous work of His that is so very different and unique? We should have a goal to grow but not to spread out beyond our realm of who we are and how we were made.

As we settle into the truth that we are a child of God, we can know that He loves us, accepts us, and offers us security. People can be there for us one moment, criticizing the next. They can love us or put us on a pedestal and only to find we’re yesterday’s news or have fallen off, from a mighty height. But God who is unchanging says who we are and stands by it- always.

Another facet is if we do not accept who we are, loving God’s design for us, we will find it very difficult to accept & love others. We’ll have expectations they can’t meet (which can lead to bitterness or discontent). That is a sure way to strain a relationship. Our expectations create a barrier that hinders further depth in the relationship. We can think we’re owed a call, a visit, a gift, a dinner, a text, a deeper or different relationship. Instead, we should consider what my beloved friend calls these additions as “gravy.” It's extra! It's a delightful addition. Let’s love the way God made us. Let’s love the way God made another. It doesn’t mean we don’t grow and change. It just means we aren’t driving and striving but rather being and resting. It also does not mean we accept just any behavior. It has to line up with Scripture. Sin is sin. Still if we want to be like Jesus, we will love like Jesus did and does. Which is “while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.”

Do we see people in progress? Do we view their lives like the sign in a remodeling area “work in progress”? Do we realize their history has impacted them in specific ways? Just because we cannot see that crash, slam, Jolt of life, there is a story that has brought them to a particular place. Knowing that, shouldn’t we show love, patience, kindness, and goodness to them. I have personally never seen a person change by browbeating, bullying, intimidating, belittling, pressuring, forcing or strong arming. Oh, they may have changed of course on the outside but has the altering, reconstruction, reshaping been on the inside which is what is most important. The outside can be reflective of what is happening on the inside. But the inside is what is essential and of greatest significance!

How do we see ourselves; how do we see another person? Are we settled into who we are? Are we comfortable with other people at the point where they are? It doesn’t mean they’ll (or we’ll) be at the same place tomorrow, next week, next year, five years down the road. With God’s help, we won’t be.

So who are we really? If we are not defined by our past, not defined by our families, our failures, our jobs, our money, our associations, our successes, our gifts, our talents, our achievements, etc. what are we defined by? If we have put our trust in Jesus Christ alone, we are His child and we are defined by the following!

- John 1:12 (I am God’s child)

- Colossians 2:10 (I am complete in Christ.)

- Romans 8:35-39 (I cannot be separated from the love of God.)

- Philippians 3:20 (I am a citizen of heaven.)

- John 15:1, 5 (I am the branch of a true vine, a channel of His life.)

- Corinthians 6:19-20 (I have been bought with a price. I belong to God.)

- Ephesians 2:10 (I am God’s workmanship.)

- Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.)

- Hebrews 4:16 (I can find grace & mercy in a time of need.)

- Philippians 1:6 (I am confident that the good work that God has begun in me will be perfected.)

As with each and every issue of One by Faith, it is my joy and honor to spend time sharing what I am learning and seeing what is needed in my life. I think perhaps these tools for life may also be needed by you.

Thank you for taking your valuable time to read One by Faith. May you be blessed by its message. From my heart to yours- Blessings!